I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
