Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
