Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize