Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
