i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
