Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
