I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize