Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
