u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she peed on how many people?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
