imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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