They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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