well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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