I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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