i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
