i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
