That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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