Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
