watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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