My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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