Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
