Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
