i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
