I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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