Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
