I'm so fucking centered right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
