it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
