Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize