That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
