So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
