Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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