hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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