Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
