matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
