if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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