My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
