..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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