Where did you get a picture of my penis
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
