My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize