some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
