Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
