6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
