she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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