just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And then he peed in my hair
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