I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
