Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
