I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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