She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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