Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
