I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize