Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
