a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
