i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
