i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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