I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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