Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
