just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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