Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
