I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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