I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
