if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he puts the penis in happiness.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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