Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
