i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
