How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
