i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
