wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
