my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
