Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
