so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
